By Michelle Pintado, LCSW, Founder and Clinical Director of Open Door Talk

The first holiday after a loss or a divorce can feel different in ways you didn’t expect. Maybe it hits when you’re setting the table and realize who won’t be there. Maybe it’s the quiet after your kids leave to spend part of the holiday with their other parent. Or maybe you’re surrounded by people and still wish there was someone you could be honest with about how you’re doing.

If you’re feeling lonely during the holidays, I want you to know there’s room for that feeling, even on a day you’re supposed to enjoy. You might laugh at dinner and cry on the drive home. Both can be part of the same day.

In my short holiday video for Open Door Talk, I shared three things you can do when this season feels heavy. Here’s what they can look like in real life.

1. Reach out to one person and make a specific ask

When you’re lonely, even sending a text can feel like a lot. Start with one person you feel comfortable with. You can share as much or as little as you want, and you can make the invitation small enough to feel doable.

Try saying, “Hey, the holidays are feeling a little hard this year. Do you have ten minutes to talk sometime this week?” If talking about your feelings sounds like too much, try, “Would you be up for a walk Saturday morning? I could use some company.”

If no one comes to mind, consider a low-pressure way to be around people. A library program, a volunteer shift, or a church gathering if faith is part of your life can give you a place to go and something to do alongside others. Give yourself permission to come for a short time.

2. Change one holiday tradition to fit your life right now

Traditions can bring comfort, and they can also make changes in your life feel more noticeable. Think about which part of the holiday you’re dreading. Is it hosting dinner? The long visit? Waking up to a quiet house? Once you name the hard part, you can decide what would make it easier to get through.

If you’re coping with grief during the holidays, you might make your loved one’s favorite dessert or ask everyone to share one memory. You can also skip a tradition this year if it feels too painful. If you’re co-parenting, you could move a favorite breakfast or movie night to the day your kids are with you.

And if you’d like to see your family but need a shorter visit, you can say, “I’d love to come for dinner. I’m going to head home afterward, so I’ll say my goodbyes before dessert.” Deciding ahead of time can take some pressure off in the moment.

3. Put one thing on your calendar to look forward to

Think about when you’re most likely to feel alone. It could be the morning of the holiday, the evening after everyone leaves, or the weekend when your usual plans fall away. Then choose one small thing for that part of the day and give it a time.

That might mean coffee with a friend at 10, a walk around your neighborhood before dinner, or making popcorn and watching a movie you’ve been saving. If you know the house will feel especially quiet after your kids leave, you could schedule a call for that evening or arrange to meet someone for breakfast the next morning.

Pick something that sounds manageable even on a low-energy day. A short plan counts, and you can change it if you need to.

When to seek support for the holiday blues

If sadness or loneliness keeps weighing on you, or if it’s making it hard to sleep, work, or get through your usual routines, it may help to talk with a mental health professional. You can ask for support while you’re still figuring out what you need.

At Open Door Talk in Woodstock, Georgia, we offer counseling for adults, teens, children, and families navigating stress and life changes. If you’re looking for a therapist in Woodstock or nearby in Cherokee County, we’d be glad to talk with you about getting started. Request an appointment with Open Door Talk.

Further reading from the National Alliance on Mental Illness: Coping with holiday stress and grief.